How to Stay Calm in Stressful Situations

Stress is an inevitable part of life, and no matter how carefully we plan or prepare, unexpected challenges can still throw us off balance. Whether it’s work deadlines, personal conflicts, or major life changes, the ability to remain calm in the face of stress is a valuable skill. When we lose our sense of calm, our nervous system becomes overwhelmed, which can make it difficult to think clearly or make effective decisions. Fortunately, skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), as well as mindfulness practices, provide practical strategies to manage stress more effectively. By focusing on mindfulness, using techniques like TIPP and self-soothe, and preparing through cope ahead, we can strengthen our ability to handle stressful situations with clarity and resilience.

Mindfulness

One of the most powerful tools for staying calm is mindfulness, which is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment without judgment. Stress often escalates because our minds jump ahead, trying to solve multiple problems at once. For example, when faced with a work deadline, we may begin worrying not only about finishing the project but also about the potential consequences if it is late, how others will perceive us, and what future tasks may pile up. This “mental multitasking” increases our sense of pressure and can leave us feeling paralyzed.

Mindfulness offers a different approach: focusing on what is directly in front of us. By slowing down and intentionally bringing our attention to the present moment, we give ourselves permission to take one step at a time instead of attempting to solve everything at once. A simple way to practice this is to notice your breath or pay attention to your five senses, which anchors you in the here and now. This focus reduces racing thoughts and makes it easier to engage in problem-solving calmly and effectively. Practicing mindfulness regularly builds the habit of doing one thing at a time, which not only lessens overwhelm but also increases our ability to handle stress with greater control.

TIPP and Self-Soothe

Sometimes, stress triggers such strong physical and emotional reactions that mindfulness alone may not feel possible. In those moments, skills like TIPP and self-soothe are particularly effective because they target the body’s nervous system directly.

TIPP stands for Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Each part of TIPP is designed to quickly reduce emotional intensity. For instance, holding your face in cold water or placing an ice pack on your cheeks activates the body’s “dive reflex,” slowing your heart rate and calming your nervous system. Intense exercise burns off excess stress hormones, helping release pent-up energy. Paced breathing slows down rapid, shallow breathing that often accompanies stress, while progressive muscle relaxation reduces physical tension in the body. Together, these techniques bring the nervous system back into balance, making it easier to think clearly.

Self-soothe is another DBT skill that uses the five senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell—to bring comfort and calm. When stress feels overwhelming, turning to a favorite song, a calming scent, or the feeling of soft fabric can shift our focus and regulate our emotions. Unlike avoidance, self-soothing doesn’t mean ignoring the problem; it means giving our nervous system the chance to reset so that we can return to the situation with a clearer mind. Both TIPP and self-soothe are effective because they help us manage the body’s stress response rather than getting stuck in it.

Cope Ahead

Another important strategy for managing stress is planning ahead for situations we know might be challenging. This DBT skill, called “cope ahead,” involves mentally rehearsing how we want to handle a stressful event before it happens. By doing so, we reduce uncertainty and increase our confidence in facing the situation.

For example, if you know that an upcoming family gathering may bring tension, coping ahead might mean planning calming strategies to use in the moment—like stepping outside for a short walk, practicing deep breathing, or preparing a neutral response if a difficult topic comes up. Similarly, if a big presentation is causing anxiety, coping ahead could include practicing the speech, visualizing success, and reminding yourself of grounding techniques to use if nerves arise.

By imagining the situation in detail and rehearsing positive coping strategies, we train both our mind and body to respond more effectively. This preparation not only lowers stress before the event but also helps us stay grounded and composed while it’s actually happening.

Conclusion  

Staying calm in stressful situations is not about avoiding stress but about learning how to respond to it skillfully. Together, these strategies create a toolkit for handling stress with clarity and resilience. The more we practice them, the more naturally they become part of our daily lives, allowing us to approach challenges with a sense of balance and control. For more help with these skills reach out to a DBT therapist.

References

1. Beer, Jessica. “What Is Nervous System Regulation & Why Is It Important?” PositivePsychology.com, 5 Sept. 2023, positivepsychology.com/nervous-system-regulation/.

2. “DBT Cope Ahead — Mastering Future Challenges.” Counseling Center Group, 17 Mar. 2024, counselingcentergroup.com/dbt-cope-ahead/.

3. Harvard Health Publishing. (2024, April 3). Understanding the stress response. Harvard Health. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response#:~:text=When%20someone%20experiences%20a%20stressful,after%20the%20danger%20has%20passed