How to Apply DBT Skills in Your Everyday Life: Practical Tips from an NYC Therapist 

In day-to-day life in New York City, emotions can fluctuate and stress can be overwhelming. NYC is a high-pressure, fast-paced environment where New Yorkers have to navigate social life, professional stress, and somehow find time for self-care. In this blog, we’ll explore how dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) incorporates everyday life skills to promote overall well-being and functioning, regardless of whatever the City throws at you. 

What is DBT?

DBT is a treatment that was originally developed by psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan to work with individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BDP). Since its founding, DBT has evolved and is considered an evidenced-based practice that is  very effective for a wide range of individuals, including those living in the City That Never Sleeps. A key aspect of DBT is the focus on learning new skills that can help improve daily functioning, especially when the craze of the City can be very dysregulating and overwhelming. DBT acceptance and mindfulness skills can help you remain present and grounded as you navigate your daily life here.   

What are DBT Skills?

DBT is structured in four skill modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. These skills help you cope with negative emotions, challenges, and stressors. There are many ways to integrate DBT skills into your daily routine. Here are some tips for each: 

1. Mindfulness skills allow you to be present in a given moment. This is useful to practice when feeling overwhelmed with intense emotion. Mindfulness can be integrated in everyday life using paced breathing techniques, meditation, or intentionally noticing your surroundings. For example, as you eat a meal, you can focus on the taste, smell, and texture of the food. This will help ground you in the moment and increase an appreciation for small moments in your day. 
2. Distress Tolerance skills are helpful to use when intense emotions seem all encompassing. However, it is important to remember that emotions are temporary. To help tolerate negative emotions in your daily life, you can use the temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation (or TIPP) skill. If you feel very overwhelmed, splash your face with cold water, take a quick walk, light a candle, or use paced breathing. These movements and actions will calm you down in the present moment and bring your emotions back to baseline. 
3. Emotion Regulation skills are used to manage and understand your emotions. Regulating emotions leads to better overall functioning. Use the accumulate positive experiences, build mastery, cope ahead (or ABC) skill. With this skill, make sure you schedule small activities each week to help build your positive emotion bank and resilience for when negative emotions arise. This will also help you identify any emotional triggers.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills assist in navigating difficult confrontation and conversations with our friends, family, peers, or colleagues. Tough conversations are a part of everyday life. Interpersonal effectiveness skills enforce knowing how to feel confident in approaching such conversations, advocating for your needs, and accepting reality as it is. Before a difficult conversation, you can practice the DEAR MAN skill, which entails:
   • Describe the situation
   • Express your feelings
   • Assert your request
   • Reinforce the outcome
   • Mindfully listen
   • Appear confident
   • Negotiate if needed 

Using this skill is a way to make sure your needs are known in a conversation. 

Conclusion 

These are only a few of the many DBT skills you can use every day to help navigate emotional dysregulation, stressful situations, and uncomfortable confrontation. Although it may seem daunting and overwhelming to pick which skills to use and feel confident practicing them, remember: A DBT skill is to be kind to yourself. Radical acceptance includes accepting reality as it is and not what we want it to be. We cannot change what is out of our control. Key pillars of DBT include practicing self compassion, being kind to yourself, and radical acceptance. Above all, progress contributes to the journey on the way to living every day in peace.

References

Ela, K. (2023, October 4). Quick tips for distress tolerance. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/decade-of-childhood/202310/quick-tips-for-distress-tolerance

Moore, M. (2022, July 7). 4 dbt skills for everyday challenges. PsychCentral.  https://psychcentral.com/health/dbt-skills-therapy-techniques

Thompson, E. (2015, July 22). Great interpersonal skills can be learned. HuffPost Canada. https://www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/great-interpersonal-skills-can-be-learned_b_7847864