Coping with Intense Emotions in Daily Life

Intense emotions are a part of being human, but they can sometimes feel overwhelming, like a wave that takes over before we have a chance to think. When we experience strong emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, or shame, our bodies react quickly and powerfully. Our hearts race, our thoughts speed up or shut down, and we might feel an urgent need to act right away. These reactions can make us say or do things that we later regret—yelling at someone we care about, making impulsive decisions, or withdrawing completely. Intense emotions are not “bad,” but when they take control, they can cause distress and interfere with our goals, relationships, and peace of mind. In this article we will use Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills to learn how to tolerate and manage these feelings without letting them dictate our behavior is an essential skill for emotional well-being.

Distress Tolerance

Distress tolerance skills help us survive emotional crises without making the situation worse. The goal is not to get rid of the emotion but to manage it until it passes. One of the first steps in distress tolerance is identifying what you are feeling and noticing any “action urges” that come with that emotion. For example, when you’re angry, your urge might be to yell or storm out; when you’re anxious, you might want to avoid a situation altogether. Once you’ve identified the emotion and the urge, try to create space between yourself and that automatic reaction.

One effective strategy for creating this space is to engage in short, five-minute bursts of activities that help shift your focus. These activities could be as simple as splashing cold water on your face, taking a brisk walk, doing a quick household chore, or listening to music that grounds you. The key is to choose something that interrupts the cycle of rumination and reactivity. While you’re doing these activities, practice mindfulness—notice your surroundings, your breath, and the sensations in your body. This helps anchor you in the present moment instead of getting swept away by your thoughts or emotions.

ABC: Accumulating Positive Experiences, Building Mastery, and Coping Ahead

Once you’ve learned to tolerate distress in the moment, it’s important to build a life that supports emotional resilience. The “ABC” skills—Accumulating Positive Experiences, Building Mastery, and Coping Ahead—help strengthen your emotional foundation so that intense emotions become more manageable over time.

Accumulating Positive Experiences means intentionally creating moments of joy, pleasure, and meaning in your daily life. This could be spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply noticing small moments of beauty in your surroundings. These positive experiences build up over time, like emotional savings in a bank. When life feels difficult, you’ll have a stronger baseline of well-being to draw upon—a kind of emotional armor that helps you bounce back more easily.

Building Mastery is about doing things that make you feel competent and capable. When you take on small challenges and succeed—whether it’s completing a project at work, cooking a new recipe, or sticking to an exercise routine—you strengthen your sense of control and self-confidence. This sense of mastery makes you more prepared to handle future challenges without feeling powerless or overwhelmed. It reminds you that you can influence your circumstances, even when emotions feel out of control.

Coping Ahead involves planning for situations that you know will be emotionally difficult. This could be preparing for a tough conversation, a stressful event, or a situation that tends to trigger strong emotions. By visualizing the event and rehearsing your coping strategies in advance, you can reduce anxiety and increase your sense of readiness. You might imagine yourself using deep breathing, grounding exercises, or self-soothing techniques during the event. The more you prepare, the more confident and calm you’ll feel when the situation actually occurs.

Conclusion

Coping with intense emotions takes practice, patience, and self-compassion. It’s not about suppressing your feelings but about learning how to navigate them skillfully. If these skills feel difficult to use at first, that’s completely normal. Emotional regulation takes time and support to develop. If you find yourself struggling to manage your emotions or feeling stuck in patterns that cause distress, consider reaching out to a therapist. A trained mental health professional can guide you through these strategies, help you understand your emotional patterns, and support you in building a more balanced and fulfilling life.

References

1. DBT Tools. (n.d.). Distress Tolerance Skills. Retrieved [date you accessed it], from https://dbt.tools/distress_tolerance/index.php

2. Lo, I. (2022, July 11). Why do I feel emotions so intensely? Counselling Directory. Retrieved from https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/the-gifts-of-being-emotionally-intense#:~:text=Emotional%20intensity%20is%20a%20form,headaches%2C%20nausea%20or%20skin%20allergies

3. Sunrise Residential Treatment Center. (n.d.). ABC PLEASE Skills: Helping Teens Master Emotional Balance. Retrieved [Month Day, Year], from https://sunrisertc.com/abc-please-skills/