Managing Expectations: Finding Joy in Imperfect Celebrations

The holidays can often be anticipated as perfect moments filled with joy, beauty, and harmony, marking special occasions with family and friends, especially when social media is constantly displaying seemingly perfect families. However, the urge for an ideal celebration can sometimes lead to disappointment and discontent. Embracing a mindset that values presence over perfection can be a powerful approach, allowing us to find joy even in imperfect celebrations while fostering a sense of fulfillment despite minor mishaps or unexpected changes.

Realistic Expectations

Setting realistic expectations can allow you to better enjoy your celebrations. When we aim for perfection, we inadvertently set ourselves up for frustration. Rather than focusing on meeting every detail exactly, realistic expectations allow us to shrug off what doesn’t align. Adjusting our expectations doesn’t mean lowering our standards but rather figuring out what aspects matter most to us and being willing to let go of the rest. By focusing on what is meaningful instead of what looks flawless or follows tradition exactly, we’re able to feel a deeper satisfaction and appreciate the holidays for what they are.

Mental Flexibility

Mental flexibility, or the ability to adapt our thoughts and reactions in real time, is a crucial skill for navigating celebrations with ease. Mental flexibility is a core skill of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). When we are rigid in our plans or expectations, even minor disruptions can feel overwhelming and disappointing. Practicing mental flexibility allows us to roll with the unexpected changes and find humor, patience, or even joy in surprises. This adaptability helps us shift from fixating on what we perceived went wrong to acknowledging and accepting the reality. Embracing this flexible approach lets us be fully present in the moment, turning potential stressors into opportunities to make new memories and strengthen connections with those around us.

Gratitude as a Tool

Gratitude is a powerful tool for finding contentment in the midst of imperfection. By focusing on the aspects of a celebration that bring happiness—such as the presence of loved ones, a shared meal, or a heartfelt moment—we shift our attention away from what’s lacking and toward what’s fulfilling. Practicing gratitude can be as simple as enjoying a good meal, even if it’s among people who frustrate you. This shift in perspective helps us find satisfaction in small enjoyable elements rather than focusing on the pieces of the holiday that overwhelm or disappoint us. By cultivating gratitude, we nurture a deeper sense of joy and create lasting memories centered on enjoyment rather than perfection.

Conclusion

Celebrations become richer and more meaningful when we let go of perfection and instead value authenticity, connection, and presence. Realistic expectations, mental flexibility, and a focus on gratitude enable us to savor each celebration for what it is, rather than what we think it should be. By setting realistic expectations and using mental flexibility and gratitude, we can enjoy the holidays more.  

References

Cherry, K. (2023, June 16). Psychological flexibility: What it means and why it’s important. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/psychological-flexibility-7509628

Millacci, T. S. (2017, February 28). What is gratitude and why is it so important? Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/

Naysmith, S. (2019, October 9). Picture-perfect families on social media are driving real parents to despair, survey finds. Herald Scotland. https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/17955327.picture-perfect-families-social-media-driving-real-parents-despair-survey-finds/