Thriving With Intense Emotions

Introduction

Everyone experiences strong emotions from time to time. Whether it’s anxiety before a big presentation, sadness after a loss, anger during a conflict, or excitement about a new opportunity, emotions are a normal and necessary part of being human. For some people, however, emotions can feel especially intense. They arrive quickly, last longer, and seem to take over both the mind and body. While these emotions are not inherently bad, they can sometimes hijack our decision-making and lead us to act in ways that don’t align with our values or long-term goals.

When emotions become overwhelming, our brains naturally look for relief. In those moments, we often become less focused on whether our actions will help us in the long run and more focused on making the emotion disappear as quickly as possible. Maybe you send an impulsive text you’ll later regret, withdraw from people you care about, overeat, spend money impulsively, or avoid responsibilities altogether. These behaviors often provide temporary relief, but they rarely solve the underlying problem.

Learning to manage intense emotions isn’t about getting rid of them. Instead, it’s about developing the ability to experience them without allowing them to control your actions.

Learning to Tolerate Emotional Discomfort

One of the most important skills for emotional wellness is distress tolerance: the ability to get through difficult emotions without making the situation worse. Many people assume emotional health means never feeling overwhelmed, but in reality, emotional health often means learning that you can survive uncomfortable feelings without immediately trying to escape them.

One helpful strategy is to create a personal distress tolerance list before you’re in the middle of an emotional crisis. Think of it as a menu of healthy activities you can turn to when your emotions start to feel overwhelming. The goal isn’t to make the feeling disappear instantly; it’s to give yourself enough space for the emotional intensity to decrease naturally.

Your list might include:

• Reading a chapter of a favorite book.
• Listening to a podcast that captures your attention.
• Calling a friend and intentionally asking about their day instead of focusing only on your own distress.
• Taking a cold shower or splashing cold water on your face.
• Going for a walk while paying attention to your surroundings.
• Working on a puzzle, coloring, knitting, or another activity that requires mindful focus.
• Practicing slow breathing or a brief mindfulness exercise.

The activities themselves matter less than your willingness to engage with them fully. The more you practice tolerating emotions rather than fighting them, the more confidence you build in your ability to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Practice Opposite Action

Another powerful emotion regulation skill comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): opposite action. Sometimes our emotions urge us to behave in ways that ultimately make us feel worse. Anxiety tells us to avoid. Sadness tells us to isolate. Shame tells us to hide. Anger may push us to lash out.

Opposite action involves intentionally choosing a behavior that moves you in the opposite direction of the emotional urge when acting on that urge would not be helpful.

For example, if anxiety makes you want to cancel plans with friends even though spending time with them would likely improve your mood, opposite action might mean showing up anyway. If sadness tells you to stay in bed all day, opposite action might involve getting dressed, opening the curtains, and taking a short walk outside. If anger makes you want to send a harsh message, opposite action might involve stepping away from your phone and giving yourself time to cool down before responding.

Opposite action doesn’t mean pretending your emotions don’t exist. Instead, it helps prevent emotions from making decisions for you. Over time, these small behavioral changes can also influence how you feel.

Your Emotions Are Not the Enemy

People with intense emotions often wish they could simply feel less. But intense emotions also come with important strengths.

Strong emotions provide valuable information about what matters to you. They can help you recognize injustice, deepen your empathy for others, strengthen your relationships, and increase your awareness of your own needs and values. Many compassionate, creative, and emotionally intuitive people experience emotions very deeply.

The challenge isn’t having big emotions—it’s feeling unable to tolerate them. When every uncomfortable feeling has to be fixed immediately, emotions begin driving behavior instead of informing it. Learning to pause, observe what you’re feeling, and choose your response allows emotions to become guides rather than dictators.

With practice, you may begin to notice that emotions naturally rise and fall like waves. They may be intense, but they are also temporary. Building the skills to ride those waves instead of fighting them creates greater resilience and allows you to make decisions that reflect the person you want to be.

If intense emotions frequently feel overwhelming or interfere with your relationships, work, or daily life, you do not have to navigate them alone. At Downtown Behavioral Wellness, our therapists provide evidence-based treatment to help clients build emotion regulation skills, increase distress tolerance, and respond to life’s challenges with greater confidence. Contact us today to learn more about our services or schedule an appointment.

Works Cited

DBT Tools. “Opposite Action.” DBT Tools, https://dbt.tools/emotional_regulation/opposite-action.php. Accessed 13 July 2026.

Kaiser Permanente. Distress Tolerance DBT Skills. Kaiser Permanente Northern California, https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/Distress%20Tolerance%20DBT%20Skills_ADA_04232020_tcm75-1598996.pdf. Accessed 13 July 2026.

Mightier. “Midweek Check-In: The Benefit of Big Feelings.” Mightier, https://www.mightier.com/resources/midweek-check-in-the-benefit-of-big-feelings/. Accessed 13 July 2026.